Success is the accomplishment of an aim or purpose. It is an ambiguous concept. Thus, success can be different things to different people. Success to one may be to swim the Atlantic, but this does not mean we all have to swim the Atlantic. To me, I can’t think of a worse way to spend a holiday. Thus, the achievement of success depends on the goals that have been set. Thus it is an illogical aspiration rather than a reptilian instinct. If we imbibe the young that success is to raise a family, then success derives from the family. However, if we convince the young that success comes from working for someone else, then we will get a nation full of workaholics demanding stress leave. If we pump up the nationalism, we can suggest that success derives from destroying your body for gold medals in the Olympics. If the ‘private think-tank’ controlled foreign news sources push the adverts for their wars, then one could become a successful kamikaze pilot and successfully achieve a little black plaque beneath a tree in a park.
Kings Park commemorative plaques for ‘successful’ soldiers. Photo by Andy Chalkley
Grand slogans such as ‘Preserve our freedom’ are used even when our freedom is not threatened. In a Christian school, success is passing exams and going to university indoctrination programs where you spend hours convincingly saying: “But what if…” If you struggle, the authorities will give you psychologist to prescribe you a mind-altering pill so that you can reach your unrealistic goals. It is like giving marijuana to soldiers in Vietnam. Oh, what fun to kill people! Like giving suicide pills to double agents. “I’m a successful double agent. I carry suicide pills.” Female double agents were used to successfully ‘sleep with the enemy’. The reality is that you may go through your whole career and never experience joy and satisfaction. Tomorrow will be the same as today which will be the same as yesterday which was the same as the day before. No effort on your part will be enough to satisfy the demands of your corporate masters. Your interests are not part of the corporation’s end game. You cannot leave because that would damage your ‘career path’. Unfortunately, it is no fault of yours. You were goaded into it by career minded school teachers that see life as working in virtual cages climbing ladders to nowhere. They set you up to strive for the unattainable. Success to me is more holidays and working when it suits me. Given a choice, I might have twelve months of holiday although I currently have three months of overseas holiday a year. You were told: “Girls can do anything.”, but the choices you were given were limited. The choices did not include more leisure-time or more holidays or more time with the children. The choices were: work, work, work, or work. ‘Anything’ in “Girls can do anything.” was craftily only referring to work, work, or work. It was a massive win for illogic. Women didn’t detect the illogic.
If your goal is to get the best job, then you are setting yourself up for failure. There is limited chance you will reach your goal. Do you enjoy the weekend more than the workaday week? If so, you may have a fault in your goals. You have faulty logic. If you survive the week to get to two days to recuperate, then success and happiness lack relationship. The enjoyable part is the two days that you don’t work. Thus you did not want the work in the first place. You have been transfixed on illogic. If your desire for success is giving you career anxiety then your definition of success is at odds with your health and well-being. The Insurance Commission of Western Australia’s annual report details a twenty percent rise in the cost of mental stress claims over the past year. There were almost twice as many mental stress claims lodged by women than men.  How can one be considered successful if one requires psychologists, mind-altering prescription drugs, and stress leave to remain in the workforce. The majority of claims are related to work pressure.  Mental stress claims have an average claim cost of $56,319 compared to all other claims averaging $23,780.  The average off work time for stress claims was 121 days which compared to 63 days for claims for other injuries.  It is reported that forty-five percent of the population would have a mental illness at some time during their lifetime.  A report by the ‘Australian Psychology Society’ stated that:
“Almost one in seven Australians reported depression and anxiety symptoms in the severe to extremely severe range.” 
“Family issues (and issues related to personal finance) remain the leading sources of stress for women while the leading source of stress for men was issues related to personal finance.” 
“One in seven Australians reported seeking help from psychologists or other mental health professionals to manage their stress.” 
“Over two in five working Australians rated issues in the
workplace as a source of stress.” 
Taking responsibility has a downside: Stress. A restless craving to ‘realize some potential’, will cause stress. The desire to ‘demonstrate your greatness’ may lead you to an unattainable goal. You are chasing the end of the rainbow in a kaleidoscope of illogic. You have been encouraged to join a rat race that was not fully explained. The corporations that you will work for care for little more than their bottom line so that they can pass dividends to their non-working shareholders. You are but a means to an end — a cog that enables the company to create dividends for the wealthy that stay rich on your labour. The corporate work environment will do nothing for your well-being other than keep you fit for work. Healthcare is designed to keep you fit for work. You pay rent to the mates of the rich pricks who have designed a tax system to deprive you of land ownership. You live in a money system that was designed to force successful companies to sell their ownership as shares to the rich pricks to obtain the money to expand the corporation. The system exists because it benefited people of leisure — the wealthy bankers and the corporate owners — more than the slavery that it replaced.
There are plenty of books with titles such as “Ten ways to Succeed”, “The Road to Success”, “Twenty Footsteps to Succeed in the Rat-Race”. They will all destroy you. None of them tell you how to run a bank and create money and lend it at a premium to purchase land that was freely created by nature. They all tell you how to be obsessed with working hard for a corporation.
Success is overrated. Success is sold as a dream in schools. Our culture is turning success into an obsession. And women fell for it by the millions. The obsession is setting you up for failure. They will have you believe that it is your fault that you failed and not the fault of the system. It is your fault for not getting a top position in an organisation that has a few top positions. Is it your fault that you get no job satisfaction in an organisation that does not have worker fulfillment as part of its philosophy? The corporate environment is not a place where you are going to get joy, happiness, and fulfillment.
I am quite happy to be ‘me’. That is a ‘me’ complete with faults. To me, success is more holiday, less work. What is interesting in your concept of success is that the goal was set by someone else. Alain de Botton put it this way:
“The interesting thing about success is that our ideas about what it would mean to live successfully are not our own.”
He is saying that it was not you that set the goals — someone else set them. Thus you have been a subject of brainwashing. You are the successful product of brainwashing propaganda.
The problem is that you will not realize the problem until you have failed to live the dream. Imbibing our young with an obsession with success drives the society to achieve, but at what cost? We cannot run an efficient nation without trained people. But there is a cost. I often say to success-driven girls in their twenties:
“When you get to seventy, which will you remember: your career or your family?”
They think this over very hard and often come back to talk to me in a matter of minutes to tell me that they will have a change of direction. Family is more important. Somebody else can build the ‘bridges to nowhere’. Happiness for a female derives from her husband initially but then from her children. Happiness will not originate from her career nor her sexual liberation nor her so-called independence. True happiness can only come from her children and a husband assists with that. When young, a girl gets immense respect because she is desirable. She gets whatever she wants wherever she goes. She is powerful during her most desirable years from about eighteen to twenty-three. By thirty, she is close to invisible when she walks down the road. … She is invisible — unless she is a mother — whence she becomes highly visible again. In middle age, she obtains immense respect as a mother. She gets wave across crosswalks and doors are opened for her. In old age, she is an icon as a grandmother.
The problem is that our concept of success was not of our own creation. We inherited our concept of success from those around us. Our concept of success might come from teachers, parents, friends, TV advertisements, TV programs, and films. For girls, there is an extra driver. They are repeatedly told that men have oppressed them and they should be freed from freedom so that they can do all the crappy jobs that the men reluctantly did. I, for one, would prefer to go on another round the world trip than sit in an insurance office dreaming of climbing the corporate ladder so that I get a bigger desk with a view from a window.
One definition of success is: “the attainment of popularity or profit.” This is knocked down by these commentators:
Brad Pitt: “Fame makes you feel permanently like a girl walking past construction workers.”
Keira Knightley: “Fame is overrated and it frightens me when kids say ‘I want to be famous.’”
Bible: Luke 12: “Even when a person has an abundance, his life does not result from the things he possesses.”
Bill Gates: “Don’t try to be a billionaire. It’s overrated.”
Defining success in terms of job attainment and righting some evil perpetrated by males devalues the role of relationships, health, and family.
EternalJanus: “One missed step in building the tower of success and I almost fell to my demise. I have seen its fragility and pointlessness. I was so focused on ‘success’ that I forgot to live. So what’s the point of my ramblings? Do the best you can in school in the moment. Have an aim in life but don’t overthink it. Success is overrated, take care of yourself instead.”  [Spelling adjusted.]
You were certainly influenced by propaganda if you were fooled into taking a degree course in — ho ho ho — ‘Gender Studies’ as is illustrated by this blog commenter’s comment:
“Credit rating in the toilet because you overspent and spent six figures on a gender study degree that earns nothing?”
Women’s and Gender Studies programmes tend to promote ideology rather than objective science. They push hocus pocus theories of oppression and resistance, which are various quack feminist, Marxist, queer, trans, post-colonial, leftist theories. They make do not purse knowledge for the sake of truth. These theories are taught as dogma that shall not be questioned. It is not a ‘legitimate academic field of study’ because it uses unquestionable dogma. Gender Studies is pseudoscience. (A system of theories, assumptions, and methods erroneously regarded as scientific. [Merriam Webster]) It has no more relation to science than palm-reading. The subject is based upon false premises and it portrays scientific authority. Mercurial slams it with this comment:
“Gender Studies is a renaming of simple feminism, that came out of radical feminism entering the academic sphere of influence in the 60s and 70s. It is not a science, because as a field, its goal is not truth and academic investigation. As a field, its goal is political, and as a result it rejects or downplays all findings that conflict with its political goals.”
He later says:
“‘Gender Studies’ as a field is a doublespeak renaming of ‘Women’s Studies’, which is itself a slightly less bold doublespeak renaming of ‘Feminism’.”… In the west, feminism is generally viewed as a female supremacy ideology that dislikes men. The large majority of the public does not identify as feminist. … The origin of women’s studies is checked with rampant bigotry and hatred of men; some of its longest-running and most iconic academic figures in the US have openly admitted their hatred of men, or overall desire for men to die en masse, and contempt for general family values. It is this bigotry towards protected classes and contempt for well-proven society values that makes feminism, and as such gender studies, destructive.
Hungary defunded ‘women’s studies’ a while ago. Its Prime Minister, Mr Orban said that the ‘Christian democracy’ his government was creating in Hungary protects the ‘traditional family model of one man one woman’. Mr. Orban states that he supports the building of an ‘illiberal democracy’ and is mounting a strong challenge to to what he considers to be a ‘multi-cultural liberal democracy’ which he states is what the European government encourages and promotes.
The chase toward success and even the attainment of success are heavily linked to depression. They are related well enough that you could say: “Aim for depression. Get some success on the way.” or you could say: “Aim for success if you want to become depressed.” Todd Essig puts it this way: “Uber-success can be depressogenic.” He also says: “Many C-suite executives are prone to depression, despite their success, maybe even because of it.”  CEOs may be depressed at greater than twice the rate of the general public.  Deborah Serani has this to say: “I have had a number of high-profile individuals in my practice over the years, and there’s no doubt in my mind that they struggle more with depression…” 
You are the grey item in the following diagram. Success is in orange.
You are the one in grey!
The measurement of success becomes problematic. The very concept of success is foggy. We are talking carrot and stick syndrome. Success becomes the carrot that you never reach. By the way, you are the donkey in the above picture. “Hey. Donkey. Donkey.” We become pushed by fear and expectations to reach a goal that may be permanently elusive. We develop an obsession with ‘working too much’. We fear criticism. The magnitude of the feeling of failure is greater than the magnitude of the feeling of success. We are setting ourselves up for failure. The psychological effect of the failure is greater than the psychological effect of the success. Cyril Connolly put it this way:
“Doing is overrated, and success undesirable, but the bitterness of failure even more so.”
Thus, ambition has a problem. Failure to succeed affects you more than the achievement of success. And the chance of failure is greater than the chance of success. Thus logic dictates that an obsession with success will almost certainly damage you. We are living in the age of illogic.
Which leads me to the next issue with success. You may start to judge others by your measure. If they are not successful, then they are not worthy of your attention. You are in another league. So success will damage your ability to relate and form relationships.
Whilst I am talking through quotes, I will add this quote by a man called Anonymous:
“The cost of not following your heart is spending the rest of your life wishing you had.”
The quote can be interpreted in a few ways. ‘Following your heart’ could mean following false dreams of success or it could mean following your instinct. So if you meet the good man, marry him and have some children. My mother put family before career and, at eighty-eight, is glad she did so. A quote like the next one is a destructive quote. It is telling you to chase the carrot harder:
Destructive Quote: “Stay positive, work hard, make it happen.”
You will be given instructions like that regularly. You can even pay someone to tell you that. They are called psychiatrists. The statement would make a good quote to put above a slave work camp. Actually, above the factory door is much the same thing.
When push comes to shove and a company experiences a fall in business, it will cut costs and shed staff with no corporate tears. Under depressed conditions, the company does what the company has to do and loyalty to you is not part of it. You work and they pay. No work — no jobs. Pack your things in a box and leave within the hour followed by a security guard. You won’t even be able to visit the company canteen. Your relationship with the company is purely of a monetary nature. Never forget that you are trading your life for money.
When I obtain the highest score in a group or class or I win the top prize at a competition, I feel superior to everyone else …………… for a while. It is like a drug rush that goes through us. I get a feeling of euphoria. The thrill of climbing a mountain. I took up motorcycle speedway in 1978. I went from newbie to a representative of Western Australia in one year.
Andy Chalked at Claremont Speedway 1979
I still look back on that year with fond memories. I had the instinct to win at any cost. Disgustingly naïve as that may be, it was a lot of fun. There is nothing quite like barrelling down the straight at ninety miles an hour into a bend on dirt with riders either side of you. But what for? I do not regret it. I learned to use mind over matter. I learned to operate under high adrenaline. At the beginning of the race, I would be pushed down the ramp and the engine would jump to life with a roar. It was as fast as any bike on the track. I would stop and look sideways at each rider in turn and say: “I can beat him.” As we were drawn up to the start line, I would say as my front wheel touched the starting tape: “Nobody is going to beat me.” I learned to ride at full throttle for the whole race including into the corners. Others would back off, but I stayed switched on at full throttle. In the above picture, you can see that the rear wheel is still throwing dirt which means that I am still under full power at speed in the corner. To ride and win, I had to conquer fear. I had to operate under high adrenaline. So I learned to operate under high adrenaline. To conquer fear, I would hop over fences at night and climb those gantry cranes and walk right out to the end. I would drive down an empty freeway at the speed limit with my eyes closed and slowly count to ten. I was not to fear the fear. I did numerous things to lift my reaction time. I was not going to be beaten. Even now, if tough times hit, I don’t get nerved. I was hustled into an alley in Shanghai a couple of years ago by some thugs who tried to beat me up for my money. I just said to myself: “Andy — It is on again. Enjoy the adrenaline. Enjoy the fear. Remember what adrenaline is like.” I joked with the black dressed thugs and asked them about business and how well it was going. “How’s business? Do you get many customers?” They got their money. I got a story. These days I can only get to five seconds on the freeway. I must be getting old!
The drug effect of success is fleeting. You were fed the success drug at school on a regular basis. They fed you competitive sport to experience the ‘win’ drug. They fed you in school class: “Well done Andrew. I am impressed with your performance.” You start to rely on the compliments and praise from others. It puts you under the spell of others. You need that ‘well done’ feedback. I have had to fight this all my life. I have to tell myself: “I do not need the feedback from others.” But it does not go away. The system damaged me. If you need complimentary feedback on a regular basis, you have been damaged. However, it can be fun to live with provided you are aware of the issue. At sixty-six, I still enjoy complimentary feedback and I shrivel with criticism. I have a phobia about criticism. My logic allows me to conquer it, but I have to make a logical effort to conquer it each and every time. My heavy education gave me an obsession with perfectionism and an obsession with success. To counter this, I explain to people:
“Humans make one in twenty errors. That is five percent. It is not exactly five percent but it is a figure. You may be able to better this error rate, but you will never eliminate the errors. Every now and again, you will make an error. You must get used to this.”
Many professionals live under the fear of making an error and suffer badly from this fear. I am also a computer programmer. When I teach someone to use one of my databases, I say:
“Humans make one in twenty errors, that is five percent. You look very good. You might be one in forty. You might be one in fifty. When you get to one in two-hundred, I will talk to you again.”
Months later, they say to me: “Andy. I am one in two-hundred. You can talk to me again.” They are my best operators. They don’t panic when they make an error. They simply strive to avoid the next one. When I asked one girl: “How is your error rate?” She thought with a puzzled face for a while and answered: “Oh! We haven’t had one in the past year.” I said: “Wow. That is impressive.” She wasn’t in fear of errors. She put effort into avoiding errors. She got pride and respect for a low error rate. She allowed no-one to rush or fluster her as she commanded respect for her low error rate. No boss gave her orders. She instructed the boss: “This is how we do it.” She used another of my common mottos: “We have to stop the airplanes falling out of the sky — before they fall out of the sky. We are not interested in having a blame-game afterward.”
Back to the topic. The ‘success drug’, as I call it, is no more than a drug and it is addictive. If you get addicted to the success drug. You will be hooked, and will have great difficulty shaking it. On forums, you can see titles such as: “Become a blowjob queen.” This indicates a desire to be the best. We end up with strange success concepts such as: girls jokingly referring to a ‘walk of shame’ as a ‘stride of pride.’
Walk of Shame:
“When a woman leaves the home or dormitory of a man she met the night before in the early morning hours; hair sticking out in all directions, makeup half gone, with her undies in a pocket.” [Urban Dictionary]
“The walk across campus in the same clothes as yesterday after you slept with someone and spent the night in their dorm room.” [Urban Dictionary]
Stride of Pride:
“The stroll across campus after a one night stand. Usually slower and with more gusto than the walk of shame. Typically reserved for men as one night stands garner respect and bragging rights with your buddies. However, women can be seen doing the stride of pride after being rocked the previous night.” [Urban Dictionary]
Girls will even respond to statements like: “That was the best sex I ever had.”
Success articles have statements such as: “Successful people make it because they find their passion and become obsessed with it.” That is a dangerous statement. It encourages the obsession with success. Many people want success more than anything else. Girls will say “No!” to a marriage proposal from a good man in the pursuit of career success. The desire for success will turn you into a workaholic. You will take risks and made sacrifices for success. They may pay off financially, but this may be at the expense of your happiness. Here is a comment from:
Lorna Bornstein: “The truth is that amassing success won’t lead to personal fulfillment, so if you don’t shift your focus from success seeking to living joyfully, you’ll end up very successful and very unhappy.”
And another from:
Grant Cordoned: “Obsession is the fuel that gives you a can’t-quit, won’t-quit, accelerator-to-the-floor monster ambition inside of you and it grows as you grow regardless of your age.”
He says: “Obsession is the fuel” How ridiculous to state that obsession is a necessity. There are countless articles with titles such as: “How being obsessed is the only possible way to become truly successful.” Unfortunately, this obsession puts you close to a dangerous place. Obsession is variously described as:
Obsession: “the domination of one’s thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire, etc..”
Obsession: “a persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling; also: something that causes such preoccupation.”
Obsession: “If you have an obsession, you’re totally fixated on something and unhealthily devoted to it.”
I don’t advise having an obsession. And if logic has any place in your thinking, success is not something you would want to covet. Nowadays, I avoid success and have a happy life. As I go about my daily life, I sometimes feel that nobody is more loved than me. It just happens!
Success and Depression
Depression tends to hit successful people. However, successful females are more likely to be depressed. As female’s careers improve, they tend to have a greater incidence of depression. 
Anonymous: “A satisfied, content and happiness gender gap has also emerged across all ethnic groups for women, in America all women are now unhappy compared to men.” [unsubstantiated]
The Guardian website has a page titled: “Women are now no longer the happier sex.” It is still the case that women are outliving men in every country in the world. A bit of nature’s inequality. As females take a greater part in the workforce, it is not reasonable to expect that females should feel even more contented relative to men. Women are now less happy than men and less happy than when they were supposedly ‘oppressed’ in the household caring for their children.
Since 1972, the United States General Social Survey has posed the question: “How happy are you?” Three of the findings were :
- Women in the United States have become less happy, both absolutely and relative to men;
- The decline in women’s happiness is a trend seen across groups, both working and stay-at-home moms, for those married and divorced, the young and old, and across the education spectrum; and
- These same trends appeared across industrialized countries for which there are sufficient happiness data.
This demographic happens to match the demographics of the Western Caucasian Christian lands that were supposedly lucky to have been visited by Feminism that freed the women from freedom and convinced them to become work slaves for the corporations that dominate government. Some say that you are put you in golden handcuffs or a golden cage as a euphemism for being trapped in your job. The reality is that you are not free. You are trapped in the career treadmill and only the money will sooth your wounded soul. For a male, as he progresses, he becomes more attractive to the younger females, but for the female, she becomes less attractive to the males, both high earning males and low earning males. For, if he is high earning, he doesn’t need a high earning wife, he wants a virile fertile wife, the youngest and prettiest, with a giggle and a wiggle and a smile. He will take the young floozy and you will take the horrendous motorway congestion, the supersonic work load, and the work-inflated real estate prices. You may be organised and have a twenty-year career plan but that doesn’t include time with non-existent children.
Paula Davis-Lack hints that women may be “buying into certain myths of happiness.” These myths being the basic concepts of success. This may mean that women are not more prone to unhappiness but that they have been driven harder to achieve. Thus if men are driven harder to achieve, more men will suffer fromdepression and unhappiness but if women are driven harder to achieve, more women will suffer d fromepression and unhappiness. I’ll leave that to you to decide. I still tend to think that males had a biological difference that enables them to counter stress. As a male hunter-gatherer chasing pigs through the forest, I would rapidly overcome the disappointment of failure to trap the pig. It usually involves a loud expletive followed by: “Oh well. Never mind. I’ll get the next one.” I’m not interested in a blame game. The message of this chapter is that if you are going to go for top jobs, you have to be aware of the stress and depression issue. It is unfair not to inform schoolgirls of the potential risk.
In 2009, Bonnie Ware, a palliative nurse in Australia who counsels the dying in their finals days, recorded the regrets of the dying. Each experienced a variety of emotions which included denial, fear, anger, remorse, and eventually acceptance. 
- “I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”
- “I wish I had not worked so hard.”
- “I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”
- “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”
- “I wish that I had let myself be happier.”
The comments are all significant, but the first one contained: “… not the life others expected of me.” The dying imply that they did things to live up to other’s expectations. Thus, don’t believe the bulldust that you need to be successful for a successful life. It’s all bulldust propaganda.
If you need luck, use Bruce Springsteen’s advice.
“When it comes to luck, you make your own.”
The advice of Larry Cornett:
“But, if a little voice in the back of your head is telling you to keep your options open, that things might change, and that you want the freedom to move somewhere else, then you need to take steps now to keep those options open.”
President Abraham Lincoln suffered from depression. It was called melancholy in those days. Buzz Aldrin, the astronaut who they claim landed on the moon alongside Neil Armstrong in 1969 struggled with depression and alcoholism after his feat. J.K. Rowling, the author who dreamed up the magical world of Harry Potter experienced depression. She had financial troubles, but her dark feelings became the creatures that have sucked away humans’ happiness. Gwyneth Paltrow suffered. After the birth of her child, she said: “I felt like a zombie. I couldn’t access my heart. I couldn’t access my emotions. I couldn’t connect. It was terrible.” A high proportion of the rapidly wealthy get depressed. Although people dream of being rich, they are often not happier once they are rich.
For the ordinary person, the result is being put on medications. In the words of Nancy, one of the victims of the pharma industry:
“One of the frustrating experiences with depression is when doctors put you on a bunch of different medications. It almost feels like you are a science experiment. It’s hard to deal with all the changes, side effects, and feelings when they don’t work or make things more complicated.”
High school affected Nancy’s self-esteem even though she got good grades. After marriage and three children, she was put on Zoloft.
“I only took it for two days because I felt like I was crawling out of my skin and I couldn’t sleep.”
Wellbutrin did not help. She was put on Prozac and Xanax for several years. These lifted Nancy’s depression but they ceased to be effective after several years.
“I wasn’t depressed, but I felt flat-lined emotionally.”
A different prescriber put her on Paxil and Lithium for a few years.
“I was feeling like a science experiment, and becoming very discouraged.”
A new prescriber took her off Lithium. She was prescribed Ativan for anxiety. Nancy rethought the medical issue. She stopped Ativan cold turkey.
“It was awful.”
She took Xanax to ease the withdrawal symptoms, which included muscle twitching. She succeeded after three weeks. She took various other antidepressants until she was fifty-eight. She wanted freedom from anti-depressants. Through the progressive reduction of doses over one month, she became drug-free for the first time in twenty-three years. She is now back to normal vivid dreams at night and a noticeably improved sense of smell. Normal emotions returned, particularly happiness and sadness. [Nancy C., Epsom]  My advice, don’t get depressed — they might give you Nancy’s treatment. Put some effort into being happy.
I have learned that the way to be happy is to make everyone around you happy. Then they will make you happy. Making people happy does not mean being condescending. I can be very blunt. A young Irishman came to the door of my bus when I was in a monster traffic jam at a concert. He asked me where his bus might be in this kilometre-long queue. I said that it was probably the white bus back there somewhere. (Almost all the buses were white.) He mentioned something about the queue so I said to him: “It was probably organized by an Irishman!” We had a great chat whilst stuck in a one-kilometre queue of white buses. As others asked where their bus might be, I told them: “It’s probably the white bus back there.” whilst pointing to a kilometre of white buses.
Wealth and success may lead to unhappiness. The desire to become wealthy or successful may lead you to unhappiness. The pursuit of these may lead to perpetual disappointment. This may strain your precious relationships and cause burnout. The disappointment may lead to depression. Focusing on money over meaning, or success over children will cause you to feel down. This reminds me of a discussion with a girl whilst driving to Ascot Race Course. We discussed the influence of education on humans, particularly females. I explained how education encouraged logical thinking which overrode our natural thinking. We used reason rather than instinct and intuition. This harms the formation of relationships and damages the maintenance of relationships. I also talked about the success factor. We are put into a classroom so that we learn to cooperate with others in the class as a way of learning how to live in a society. At the same time, we are told to beat those around us in tests. This creates an internal conflict. We are required to get on with others whilst at the same time we are required to beat them. Competition competes with cooperation. One tends to turn to alcohol and drugs to resolve the internal conflict. When we were very close to the venue, she said:
“Andy. In one sentence. Tell me: — What is the meaning of life?”
I thought for a few seconds and answered:
“The problem is not — ‘what is the meaning of life’ — but — why are you asking ‘what is the meaning of life’? You are taking your brain beyond its designed capacity. Your brain was not designed to answer questions like that. You will destroy yourself with such questions.”
She looked at me quizzically and shook her head and said:
“That is amazing. Andy. I knew you would have the answer.”
In the current era, we are thinking too much and our brain will not handle that. We are taking our brain beyond its design capacity. This is why we need to meditate or go and stand alone in a forest once in a while. When you listen to the birds in the trees, you think differently. At one school, the other day, the birds were making a horrendous noise. Next day very little bird noise. No one else noticed the difference. Go listen to nature a little more often. Listen to your own instinct and intuition.
Some say that there is an epidemic of mental illness. Some say that it is the psychiatric medication that is fueling the supposed burgeoning of mental illness, particularly depression and schizophrenia.  Others suggest that this is a ‘false epidemic’ of some psychiatric disorders, which is caused by increasing rates of ‘false positive’ diagnoses.  Some believe that there is over-diagnosis and over-treatment. Be wary. If you can avoid depression, do so. In the U.S.A., there are increased rates of antidepressant prescription. Good business for the pharma industry. The rate of antidepressant drug treatment increased by greater than a factor of four between the early 1990s and early 2000s.  These findings are worrying. Some even claim that psychiatry is medicalizing normality. This supposes that perfectly normal people are told that they have some mental illness and are put on legalized drugs. Robert Whitaker asks:
“Is our drug-based paradigm of care fuelling this modem-day plague?”
After reviewing available psychopharmacology scientific literature, Robert claims that it is the current drug-based system of care that is encouraging the epidemic. The drugs increase the chances that a patient will become chronically ill, and induce new and more severe psychiatric symptoms.
|The disabled mentally ill in the United States|
|Year||Rate of disabled mentally ill percent.|
|Source: The disability rates for 1850 through 1955 are based on the number of hospitalized mentally ill, as cited by E. Fuller Torrey in ‘The Invisible Plague’ (2001). The disability rates for 1987 and 2003 are based on the number of mentally ill receiving SSI or SSDI payments, as was reported in 2004 by the Social Security Administration.|
Mentally ill in the USA.
My father suffered depression during his lifetime. I was determined not to go there. We had an autistic son. He had no speech, slept very little, and needed constant supervision. I realized that I was no use to anyone if I was not happy. So I allowed a portion of my time to whatever I felt like doing and I allowed a portion of my income to follow my interests. However, the real trick to happiness was not what I assumed. Happiness did not come from doing self-indulgent things that I enjoyed such as racing motorcycles. The way to be happy was to make everybody around you happy. If you make the people around you happy, they make you happy. It works. I practice it every day. I amplify it by wearing a smiley badge. They are easy to buy on the internet. I buy a bagful at a time. I keep a few spares in my pocket so I can give them away in what is sometimes called ‘random acts of kindness’.
I went to an economics convention in California a few years ago. Matt Taibbi was a speaker. Here is one of his more recent gems:
“Obsessed with success and wealth and despising failure and poverty, our society is systematically dividing the population into winners and losers, using institutions like the courts to speed the process.”
Abraham Lincoln, in the next quote, talks about operating under stress:
“Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.”
In our life as hunter-gatherers, we did not face the same stresses. We got short-term stress as a lion eyed us up for dinner, but it was short-lived stress. When we invented language, we became capable of thinking logically. My belief is that before language, we thought in picture icons at a simple level. If I ask you what you had for breakfast, a picture icon comes into your mind. Language gave us logic in a brain that was not designed for logic. We are taking our brain beyond its designed capacity.
This next one is destructive. It tells you to chase the carrot for longer with a doubtful promise of reward:
Elusive Carrot: “Success isn’t overnight. It takes years. Success is your ?????”
I tend to think that the ????? stands for ‘false goal’ as in ‘Success is your false goal. Like chasing the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Here is another elusive carrot by:
Benjamin Disraeli: “The secret of success is consistency of purpose.”
He was part of the international puppet show called politics. He wrote this in one of his books:
Benjamin Disraeli: “The world is governed by very different personages from what is imagined by those who are not behind the scenes.”
In a modern democracy, each of the main parties supports the debt banking system and every war that is advertised by the international media. One needs to ask why feminism is pushed so relentlessly when so many women do not support it. Data for the U.S.A. tell us that as few as eighteen percent of women call themselves a feminist. In the United Kingdom, the figure is seven percent. Two-thirds of women in these countries support equality of the sexes, yet equality brought women down to the level of men.
Left: Look at me! Right: Look at me!
Women’s natural loving instincts have been cleverly repressed by the tactic of redefining woman’s lifegoals using illogic. Girls were told that their success as a human depended on being successful in a career rather than being a successful mother to children. Betty Friedan put it this way:
“The social rewards of holding down a job are critical to one’s sense of dignity and self worth.”
It is a straight out lie. I will reword it.
Andy Chalkley puts it this way:
“The social rewards of having a family are critical to one’s sense of dignity and self worth.”
In reality, work is work. Work is tiring, and mostly unrewarding. But the women lapped it up because it came from an authoritative woman. Betty Friedan, with the aid of a sponsoring media run by males, successfully modified women’s thought processes. Just as the media got Christian to fight Christian in the last two world wars, it got women to believe that men were oppressors rather than willing slaves and that playtime with the children was to be replaced with a life of servitude to corporations owned by the same tribe. Do a search and have a listen to the Benjamin Freedman speech. Better still, copy it onto a USB and listen to it driving to work, regularly.
One author describes the problem facing success-driven women in mid-life in this way:
Marcia Reynolds: “For smart, goal-driven women, a mid-life crisis isn’t about recovering lost youth. It’s about discovering the application of their greatness. The problem is that no one has defined what ‘greatness’ looks like so the quest has no specific destination. Having the goal of being great is as hard to define as it is to achieve. There is always the next great thing to master, which may leave them feeling incomplete. I have come to call this phenomenon the ‘Burden of Greatness’.” 
If you arrive at the drastic situation where you start to think that you ‘must tough it out on your own’, you have got your goal-driven concept of success horribly wrong. Part of the inculcation of success into you was to convince you that you needed to beat others to the number one spot. Yet there is only one number one spot. One hundred people are all told that they can sit in the one seat at the top. This thinking is illogical and creates destructive thinking. You will see others as competition rather than partners. You will likely even see males as competition rather than partners willing to assist. This is prone to damage your ability to create, nurture, and maintain relationships with friends and potential mates. Your success driven lifestyle may hamper your ability to create and maintain relationships. We are a social animal and these relationships are important to our well being.
It is also possible that you will judge people by your own standards rather than their standards. A person only becomes worthy of your attention or friendship if they are also driving themselves insane trying to achieve unattainable goals. You are trying to displace ninety-nine people to sit in the top seat. Shouldn’t it be the most capable person at the top, not you simply because you want the top job? Not you because you read a book on success and believed it.
You need to ask what you should be focusing on for a future life that you can look back upon. Are you living to work or are you working to live? Although it is popular to verbally bash males for taking all the jobs, but who wants the jobs in the first place. It is more like dogs chasing scraps. It is a case of useful idiots. Silly people chasing silly jobs. I prefer to chase more holiday. I am typing this on a 787 en route to Singapore and Athens. Many will inevitably realize that their dreams will never be met. It is better you know this at eighteen rather than at twenty-eight, thirty-eight or forty-eight. It is too late to realize that you got it wrong at the age of forty-eight. It is late at thirty-eight. Even twenty-eight can cause problems for girls trying to find a soulmate to start a family. Filling out insurance forms has never been more important than family.
I visited NASA in Houston one time. A lady astronaut was talking to the children and giving the message: “You can achieve anything.” She had been to space. ‘Big deal’, I thought as I listened to her. What went through my mind was that I did not think that I would want to be married to this woman. Her message hinted that: “You too, could become an astronaut.” It was a bit like the message: “Anyone can become president.” In the USA, you have a one in two-hundred-and-fifty million chance of that happening. They are pedaling a dream that is closer to a lie than it is to the truth. There is a 99.9999996 percent chance that you will not become president. If you do not come from recognized families that have a record of towing the line, it is a lower percentage. If Disraeli is correct when he said:
“The world is governed by very different personages from what is imagined by those who are not behind the scenes.”
you have no chance. I could happily bet one million dollars to your one dollar that you will never become an astronaut. I will be one dollar better off. I can also bet one million dollars to your one dollar that you will not become president of the U.S.A.
Even the experts talk about the management of “career-family trade-offs”. In other words, the ‘experts’ concede that the family is hampered by the career obsession. The trouble is that by the time the individual, works out that they have been chasing fake dreams, it is too difficult to correct the situation. Life has passed them by. They have also become so altered by the process that they destroy the relationship-creating-process with excessive logic. A mid-life crisis is an event where you realize the lunacy of the situation.
Here are some words from:
Marcia Reynolds: “In fact, the majority of the women at work today represent the first generation of women who were told they could accomplish anything they put their mind to.” 
In other words, the women did not work it out for themselves. They were told. They were told: “they could accomplish anything they put their mind to.” Yet the article talks about the ‘dark side’ of this phenomenon. “and women have now outnumbered men in college degrees.” Was that ever an aim? Is the aim to beat men? Are men to be treated as competition? If we have equality, there is no competition. We are equal. Why does she point out that “there are now more women than men graduating”? Does success mean beating men? Are women trying to show that they are better than men? Is a woman that sees man as competition ever going to form a partnership relationship with a man? A male becomes competition rather than a soulmate. She then states:
“However, this desire fuels a restlessness as they constantly need to find ‘something more’ in their lives.” 
Get past twenty-eight, and ‘something more’ is no longer available to a women! I know — the girls keep asking me. They got wiped out of the genetic pool because they worked under fluorescent lights in an insurance office.
As a male, can you imagine being married to someone that is obsessed with success and beating people? “Never satisfied” is the expression that springs to mind. She may find a man that falls in love with her, but she will be damn lucky if she does. The drama continues when she says:
“Therefore, the downside is not that these women are giving up their femininity. Instead, they are giving up their peace of mind.” 
I say they are giving up their lives to be a corporate whore. They want as much money as they can from the corporation. They would not do the work if they were not paid so they are not doing it out of love of the job. They are doing it for money. They are selling their time for money. If they are happy whilst selling the biggest part of their life, they are unusually lucky.
She says that these women are “giving up their femininity”. This is dangerous stuff. ‘Giving up your femininity’ apparently is not a ‘downside’. I believe it is. There is nothing more exciting than the femininity of females. Girls are so excited when you put them in touch with their femininity. When I encourage a female to play me for all she is worth — it makes for a fabulous day. I demonstrate a strength of character but at the same time, I demonstrate weakness to their feminine ways. Rather than use logic on me, they start to play eye games and smiles. The womanly tactics of looking away and furtively looking back. The game is on within seconds. To hell with women being encouraged to use logic. They know, hands down, that they are winning on emotional control over me, but they can’t get past my logic.
Girls have been put in a dangerous place. Girls were not told they would be ‘giving up their peace of mind’ when they were initially told: “they could accomplish anything they put their mind to.” In fact, they are giving up an awful lot more than their ‘peace of mind’. They are giving up their future potential family and happiness to a corporation. I had a woman ring me up the other day to get me to pay a small fee to a quasi-government quango. I felt sorry for this legal person. To take up a career where she spent her time harassing small business owners to pay a small futile fee. A fee that is insignificant compared to income and sales taxes. She thinks she has a ‘successful’ career, but she is a hired harasser, a telephone bully.
The reality is that society is selling girls an unrealistic dream. The dream is a place in the workforce. Work is work, whether you are pulling teeth or sticking your arm up a horse’s bum. Work is work, not a holiday. Spend your working days dreaming of retirement. “Here. I have drawn a retirement card for you.” It may be the only one you get — as you won’t have any grandchildren.
It may be the only one you get — as you won’t have any grandchildren.
In the words of Esther Vilar:
“Why else will a doctor (who as a child liked to observe tadpoles in jam jars) spend his life opening up nauseating growths, examining and pronouncing on human excretions? Why else does he busy himself night and day with people of such repulsiveness that everyone else is driven away?” [Esther Vilar. The Manipulated Man.]
We don’t work because work is freedom. Work is far from freedom.
Only a fraction of a percentage reach the top. It is worse for women due to the bell curve issue on IQ.
Unfortunately, science created more male idiots.
Asians don’t escape the statisticians either. This graph shows that they have a higher average IQ, but the bell curve is narrower. Thus, there are more white geniuses than Asian geniuses but fewer Asian idiots. The Balinese must look on the Australian rebel-rousing holidaymakers as they fall off motorbikes and act the idiot.
Males struggled with the harsh work environment since the beginning of civilization. They went out and did the hard yard. Men were conditioned to believe that work was their lot.
White male privilege!
Work down a mine from before sunrise to after sunset to get some money to give to their wife. Traditionally, men would hand over their wage packet to the “female of the house”. Females were in charge of everything in the house. I have found references to this practice from all over the world. Stephan in Sweden writes that in 1950:
“It was also common that a man gave all his income to his wife. That was to gender roles: – The man earned money. – The woman spends the money.”
Similar is written by Karen Ma:
“In Japan, the wife is called the domestic finance minister in part because the poor husband is so overworked and can’t be bothered with domestic decisions such as which fridge to buy, what house to rent, etc.. So in part by default, many husbands hand their salaries to their wives and they, in turn, will put aside a daily allowance for the husband as pocket money.”
She also writes that:
“Many Chinese men willingly relinquish their wallets because they want to let their wives feel a sense of security.”
I was talking with a Chinese girl yesterday whilst my head was in the hole on a massage table. (I occasionally suffer from backache.) She told me that her mother and her grandmother quarrel. Her grandmother says:
“The man should bring home the wage packet and hand it to the mother.”
They quarrel because the mother says that this is not necessary. It is interesting that the grandmother is so rigid on this issue that she quarrels with her own daughter. In the ‘West’, it was also common for husbands to hand over the salary to the wife and she managed everything. Sometimes she might give him an allowance. One description of this practice is from Pippa Groving:
“The idea of the husband handing over over the money to the wife, is from the 1950’s family structure, where the wife didn’t have a job and the man worked hard all day. The wife could use the money to buy food and other necessities, and then the husband wouldn’t have to do anything at home other than eat, sleep and socialize.”
Here is a blog comment:
Deleted!: “My girlfriend has family over in South-East Asia… She describes Thai men as essentially slaves to Thai women in relationships. Thai guys will basically give their paychecks directly to their girlfriends.” 
Thus there was a tradition that males would work the hard-yakka and would commonly pass the wage to the wife who would run the finances. It was not always the full wage. Girls are told they can get a job and be financially independent. They are told they can have their own money. Yet the man was giving the money to the wife. The man was not — financially independent. Women were handling the money earned by the man. But marriage is not about independence, it is about working together to form a family. The men were giving them all or most of the money anyway. Telling women that they can have their ‘own’ money is to create a rift in the relationship. It creates two independent individuals in a relationship rather than a shared togetherness — as it was called by Jesus. Girls are told they can get successful jobs, yet there are only a small proportion of top jobs with many people competing for them. Top jobs tend to be high stress. They play golf on Wednesdays for a reason. Stress is not fun.
The attempt to gain success is stressful in itself. The pathway to success is stressful and the destination is stressful. This is no journey that I wish to take. Girls are falling prey to stress at alarming rates. Males are somewhat disposable in society, so if a few collapse, it is no great worry. Society continues. This is why they were always used as cannon fodder and mine donkeys. Witness a totally heartless 1998 statement by a ‘Politically Active Feminist’, Hillary Clinton:
“Women have always been the primary victims of war. Women lose their husbands, their fathers, their sons in combat.”
Women tend not to see why this is absolutely disgusting. The complete disregard for males that died under terrible circumstances is disgusting. This woman does not even recognize men as human. The male appears to be disposable. The males are useful objects whilst they are living, but when they die, sadness is expressed for those that have to do without them. This is sick thinking. If you don’t find her statement idiotic, then close the book. You are beyond help. You have no compassion. Myself, I rather pity the males with their intestines falling out onto a muddy battlefield with no medic in sight. Their husbands, their fathers, their sons died in agony in a horrid environment. Yet from a woman’s standpoint, women were the ‘primary victims’. This is what a graveyard full of husbands, fathers, and sons looks like:
Dead husbands, fathers, and sons.
Hillary’s statement is like saying that men are the primary victims of rape because it happens to their wives, daughters, and mothers.
Another ‘Politically Active Feminist’, Barbara Jordan, a former U.S senator said:
“I believe that women have a capacity for understanding and compassion which man structurally does not have, does not have it because he cannot have it. He’s just incapable of it.”
Girls are now joining this army of workers in large volumes. Females are half the workforce, yet if they don’t get half the jobs in any field, a quota is demanded. As an engineer, I smell illogic. I was trained to combat illogic. This creates a strange mathematical issue. If fifty percent of the workforce is female and some workplaces have greater than fifty percent female work-slaves, how can you increase those with less than fifty percent to parity?
Women are entering a dog-eat-dog competitive work market. Men have worked in this dog-eat-dog work market for centuries. If they did not get the work done, they got the sack and went hungry. If there was no work available, their family went hungry. In a brainstorm of illogic, this was sold to women ‘freedom from the household’. A job in a factory is not freedom.
Imagine the female that works for a decade without improving her lot in an uninspiring work environment. Most work environments are uninspiring. Work environments are designed for efficient work output. They are not holiday. She runs a significant chance of needing anti-depressants. She reaches a mid-life crisis and is given advice of a type that perpetuates the crisis. This quote by Richelle Goodrich is considered to be inspiring. To me, it is downright dangerous:
“Don’t ever give up.”
“Don’t ever give in.”
“Don’t ever stop trying.”
“Don’t ever sell out.”
“And if you find yourself succumbing to one of the above for a brief moment, pick yourself up, brush yourself off, whisper a prayer, and start where you left off.”
“But never, ever, ever give up.”
[Richelle E. Goodrich, ‘The Tempter’s Snare’]
I say “Give up and go have a holiday. Leave the work to some other indoctrinated bunny”. These females were fed the line: “You can accomplish anything.” This is an impossible goal for most. It gave these girls a restless craving to realize their supposed greatness. I often think of the line by the Rolling Stones:
The line “How white my shirts can be” has greatly influenced my life. I regularly think: “Why do I have to comply to someone else’s concept of what I should do?” I don’t accept thoughts because they are popular. I don’t write a book to follow popular thought patterns. I do iron my shirts most times but they are wild Hawaii shirts. Today, I am wearing polka dot reading glasses.
These girls that have been sold unrealistic dreams will have to deal with the disappointments of dreams unmet. By the time they enter their forties, many will lose their taste for chasing the dream. They wanted the status of position for themselves but this becomes a mid-life quest for identity, any identity. They are nobody in a corporate hierarchy. Terms like inequality and glass ceilings are all very well, but this is playing a victim card. Men suffered glass ceilings. It was called the ‘old boy’s club’. If you were not of the right ‘type’, you did not get promoted.
They start to believe that they are the victims of ‘uncaring men’. Strangely, it is the very same men to whom they display an uncaring attitude. As an example of circular illogic, the unfulfilled dream is repackaged as a problem caused by men. In reality, why would anybody do this if they did not have to? If our smart girl lived on an island, she could walk out in the morning and pick her breakfast from a tree. Perhaps she might go fishing and have a barbeque in the evening. Perhaps she could send a man off to do the tougher work. She might put her young child in the pram and go for a walk in the park. Feed the ducks. Visit friends. Stop at the café. At the end of the week, the male can hand the wage packet to me. I think that would be success for me. The man can be my slave. This sounds remarkably like the lifestyle of my mother when she put me in a pram and off to the park as soon as father had been sent off to the factory with his sandwiches. Sounds a pretty good deal to me. She makes sandwiches so he does not spend the money that he hands to her at the end of the week. More money for her if he eats sandwiches rather than steak pie at the pub.
The thoroughly modern woman may say: “The job I have may sound great but the politics and the long hours that I endure leave me angry and frustrated.” Another ‘successful’ woman might say: “The mortgage payments on our family home will mean that I and my husband will need to work full-time for another twenty years. We will then be seventy-five.”
To join this rat-race, we start to run a race that we do not understand. We start to chase dreams created by society. We wish to bask in the glory of being at the top. I am quite happy to bask in the glory of NOT being at the top. The top is stressful. I no longer wish to be there. The reality is that you will stay in an unfulfilling job simply to pay your way. Wage slavery refers to a situation where a person’s livelihood depends on wages. You will compare yourself to others in an unhealthy way. You will envy or hate those that are more successful than you. You will look down upon those below you. Not everyone can get to the top of the heap. They can write books on the successful astronaut, the successful president, the successful business person, but most do not achieve this. Were your goals set by you or by society? Money does not bring happiness. Success brings expectations, responsibility, and stress. Don’t go there. It is dangerous territory.
In typical text, the typical commentator suggests that women gaining more degrees than men is a good thing but the lack of women on boards is a bad thing. This is more circular illogic. A situation is only acceptable to our writer if women have the advantage. What happens to the mother of a large family? Does the mother celebrate the fact that more of her girls gain college degrees than her boys? Do mothers celebrate that their daughters choose careers over families? Do grandmothers celebrate that their grand-daughters choose careers over families? Does the grandmother say: “don’t bother with children, go get a job, and pay tax.” Does the mother wish her sons to fail and her daughters to get all the top jobs?
Your old grandmother was the sensible one. She used her twinkly eyes to lure your grandfather into a love-trap. He fell for her and she finished up pregnant by fair means or foul. He was required to support her. She is now the proud grandmother of you. She put family before work. She was the sensible one.
The ‘Successful Woman’ under Corporate Feminism gets no grand-daughter.
Why work when a man will work for you? Make him a sandwich and send him to the mine with a smile. I just emailed my eighty-eight-year-old mother a question. “How often, during a day, does your mind wander to your children and grandchildren?” Here is her reply:
“It is such a thrill being a grandmother (I’ve LOVED being a mother too of course). Happily, I had a lot of hands-on experience with my grandchildren, including James and Genevieve from an early age, as you and Teena have been so good inviting us over and keeping in touch, which is very much appreciated. Your two have been over to visit me and Genevieve sent me a super long letter recently.
To answer your question,
I think about my four ‘children’, eight grandchildren and now two great-grandchildren VERY often every day. Perhaps because I am so old 🙄 I find I often enjoy looking back, thinking about all the exciting interesting things I have done in the past, mainly with members of the family.
Of course, I am on my own quite a lot of the time now, so it is a very pleasant thing to do to re-run the adventures and hope everyone is happy and wonder what they are up to….
(I can vouch for Liz another grandma, who thinks and talks about Rudy a lot! She will be looking after him one day a week soon as Esme has to go back to work very soon). I have never seen her so happy now she is retired…
Just had a photo of Denise another grandmother… I get little films of Jack’s progress. Mike, Hayley and Jack have been down to stay with Steve and Denise and Hayley’s parents ……had a lovely time on the beach there.
Take care, Lots of love from Mum XXXX
Love to one and all XXXXXXXX ”
Also notice the comment: “I have never seen her so happy now she is retired…” Who is fooling who that women want to work? Here are some other grandmother comments:
- “Thank You, God, for the gift of being a grandparent — it’s one of your best inventions ever!”
- “When I held my first granddaughter in my arms, it didn’t take long for me to realize that my heart was now firmly held in the palm of her tiny little hand. She owned me’and I was fine with that! I felt the same way when the other five arrived.”
- “My ‘nana’ friends who all seemed so gaga over their grandkids.”
- “I love their laughter, their smiles, the cute things they say, the times they call just to say, ‘I love you, Grandmama.’ ”
- “From the moment I laid eyes on Isabelle Eva, I, too, succumbed to love beyond reason. In the five years since, I’ve fallen a second time, for Azalia Luce, Isabelle’s baby sister, now two.”
- “ever since I began practicing the Golden Rule of Grandparenthood — ‘Keep Thy Mouth Shut and Thy Opinions to Thyself”
- “Staring into the face of this new baby changed me deeply.”
- “In addition to being my granddaughters’ living link to one branch of their family tree, I aspire to be a role model for them — of ethical wisdom, emotional intelligence, generosity and kindness, respect for the environment, acceptance of life’s inevitable imperfections and challenges.”
- “Grandparenting is chapter four of our adult lives.”
- “There comes a moment that the love you feel for this child actually makes your heart expand.”
- “Playmates with our grandchildren versus the policewomen we were with our own kids.”
- “There was the unbelievable power of hope and optimism for the life that lies ahead.”
Greatness and success are not specific destinations. One can always be even greater. One can always be more successful. Thus the destination is elusive. It is truly the carrot and the stick. The carrot is the goal and you are the donkey and you hit yourself with the stick. This is different to slavery where there is no carrot and someone else is hitting you with the stick. Which brings me to the following thoughts. If you were running a country and you wished to propel your nation to greatness, which is a euphemism for writing yourself into the history books, what action would you take?
Slavery requires that one person can have property rights over another. It requires whip masters, guards, and means of preventing escape. The slaves cost money to purchase. The slave has to be fed and kept healthy to be productive. Slaves are not willing workers. Slavery survived whilst there was a demand for their product. In the southern states of the USA, this was cotton. This changed when the free labour of the northern states became more productive than the slave labour of the southern states around 1815. Slave labour was abolished for economic reasons. On the abolishment of slavery, there was compensation paid. Surprise — compensation was paid to the slave owners! Slavery was not abandoned out of compassion for the slaves. Wage labour had advantages. Wage laborers fed, clothed, and housed themselves. They were motivated. Wage laborers sell their labour power and their time. Wage earners create a superior market for producers. Wage labour suffers terribly when a money supply is not maintained. They starve in financial depressions. Slaves do not make good soldiers. Free men fight better. In 1883, slavery was abolished in the British Empire. Huge amounts of compensation was paid to the slave-owners. Interestingly, much of this money became redirected to the construction of railways and industry, both of which use wage labour. The navies building these rail lines and factories lived lives little better than the slave workers. Yet work for a wage labourer was unreliable. In a competitive market, work is essential to feed oneself. In a city, the alternative is theft and crime. Lord Balfour suggested welfare to the British parliament, not to benefit those that could not obtain wage labour, but to cut down on crime against the well off. Welfare was instituted for the benefit of the wealthy and the inability of the factories to provide consistent work. When the economy died, the poor died. Work that does not allow a person to escape poverty is a modern form of slavery. And never forget that there were millions of white slaves. Slaves were taken from Ireland to the East Indies. The ‘press gangs’ were enslaving English citizens onto ships.
In past times there was a healthy market for white slaves in Islamic countries.
Also, do not forget that it was Africans that sold the slaves to the wealthy slave traders and their agents. Thus black people enslaved and traded black slaves and Muslims bought traded and used Caucasian slaves. To this day, Black Africans still enslave Black Africans in Africa. Slavery was not abolished for the benefit of the slaves. It became more economical to release them from slavery and let them suffer under an inconsistent supply of work in an environment where usury had stripped most poor people of the opportunity of living off the land.
To propel your nation to greatness, you need the citizens to work to the highest of standards. It is useful to have them work for an elusive dream. They work hard in their nine-to-five jobs to get a nine-to-five job of better status. The girls have been told that men have been taking the best nine-to-five jobs and that they should take their share of the nine-to-five hum-drum workaday jobs. I think I’ll go work for myself, thank you. You can have your nine-to-five jobs. It’s a con. We have developed robots. We have a massive increase in office technology. We don’t need to collect cheques and walk them to the bank. Payment systems can work remotely. Yet it takes two people to purchase a house. Land was created by God or nature for all living things to share. There is enough land for all to share. It takes ten persons about ten weeks to build a house, yet it takes a young couple a lifetime to pay off the debt to banks that have endless supplies of their mythical credit that drives up the mythical value of houses. Somehow, I cannot accept that working in a nine-to-five job for forty years constitutes success. It is like saying: “I live under a better form of slavery than you.” When you falter, they shout: “Never give up!” How ridiculous!
Ubuntu is a philosophy of life and more. The word has an ancient African origin meaning “I am because we are.” Another piece of illogic. However, what Ubuntu claims to mean is that: We get our identity through other people. We are part of a community. We work with a community to be the person. Ubuntu refers to the characteristics of humane-ness towards others. Ubuntu condemns acts which are selfish even in the slightest way. Ubuntu contests unfairness even in the smallest degree. Ubuntu considers that we are all one family. It embraces the concept that: “I am what I am because we all are.” It might be better thought of as: “I need other humans to be human,” You can be rich, but your riches must benefit others. Ubuntu embraces the characteristics of: Trust, Caring, Sharing, Respect, Community, Helpfulness, and Unselfishness. Ubuntu lies at the heart of the African way of life. In the words of Baken Johannes Lefa:
“Ubuntu in the South African context or society is seen as the act of being human, caring, sympathy, empathy, forgiveness or any values of humanness towards others. Ubuntu is a capacity in South African culture that expresses compassion, reciprocity, dignity, harmony, and humanity in the interests of building and maintaining a community with justice and mutual caring.” 
Ubuntu is a philosophy of life that everyone needs to learn. Join your new partner on an Ubuntu course.
Random Blog Quotes
Success is seen by many as getting the best job. But a job is working for someone else. A job is assigning eight hours plus travel time plus preparation time out of twenty-four hours for two-hundred-and-forty days a year. Then add a good behaviour regime befitting your job status. You are trapped in a work situation and probably trapped in a psychological prison involving the job. (The schoolteacher cannot be seen drunk in the street.) Many would consider success as being able to choose when to have a day off. To be able to choose holiday times. Time to spend with children. One blogger in a rambling piece worded it as:
Matt Hearnden: “Maximum choice = maximum success.”
Grandmother: “When are you going to get married and give me some more grandchildren? … no pressure!”
Random Girl: “Success is overrated.”
I went to a breakfast at my daughter’s school where they had brought in a promotional speaker. It was my daughter’s last year in a private Christian girl’s high school. A school described by a friend as “School for stuck-up feminist bitches.” The main speaker spoke about setting goals and achieving goals. He constantly stressed the achievability of these goals. It was a very convincing presentation. Many years ago, I had been a mathematics and science teacher for fourteen years. I thought his speech was a recipe for failure. I looked around the room and thought to myself: “How many of these girls are going to be successful?” I felt sorry for these girls. They were being set-up for failure. It would be the usual story. They would find some area in which they wished to excel. They would develop a logical persona devoid of instinct, emotion, and intuition. They would throw good males on the scrap heap to further their careers. They would get to thirty and realize that they were getting nowhere. They would follow advice to ‘soldier on’ to a mid-life crisis at forty. They would get further advice to carry on the struggle toward success. How many would reach sixty cheated out of family and motherhood? Neither would they get any elation from the myth of personal success.
In no way do I believe that women should not pursue careers. I am completely ambivalent to working with or under males or females. It makes no difference to me whether I deal with males or females. My issue is with girls going for careers thinking that they can put off finding a man until later, only to find they don’t actually get to find a male and they don’t find success either. There are many factors here, but looking for a partner at twenty-eight is significantly more difficult than at eighteen or twenty-one. My issue is with those that give distorted truth to the younger females. It is very unfair to tell girls that a decision to delay the creation of a family will create a serious risk of failure to find a mate. A girl must be told that if she places career aspirations before family, she runs a very serious possibility of reaching seventy with no children and no grandchildren. The issue is getting more serious. Here is my grandmother at her 100th birthday.
May Whittaker at her 100th birthday with her descendants and a few spouses.
Twenty years ago, it may have been possible for twenty-eight-year-old girls to form a family, but that is getting significantly more difficult. Girls must be told to take this into account when making their life plans. Lucy, a journalist in her late twenties, said to me: “Andy. We have got this the wrong way round. It should be family first and career second.” There may be demands for equality, but we cannot alter nature.
Bettina Arndt writes a column for the Sydney Morning Herald. She made the following observation not commonly found in the mainstream media. Bettina comments on the problems that occur when women are encouraged to leave family formation until their thirties:
Bettina Arndt: “Many [professional women] thought they could put off marriage and families until their thirties, having devoted their twenties to education, establishing careers and playing the field. But was their decade of dating a strategic mistake?”
Strategic mistake! Strategy! Whose strategy? It was a strategy imposed by other people, not herself. Mistake — certainly. It was, however, a strategic mistake on the part of those that advised and taught her. I now state:
Jamie, a thirty-year-old Sydney barrister, thinks so:
“Women labour under the impression they can have it all. They can have the career, this carefree lifestyle and then, at the snap of their fingers, because they are so fabulous, find a man. But if they wait until their thirties they’re competing with women who are much younger and in various ways more attractive.” [As quoted by Bettina Arndt]
Bettina adds some statistics:
“one in three Australian women aged thirty to thirty-four don’t have partners; even by the late thirties the figure is still very high at twenty-five percent.”
“in 2006 there were only 68,000 unattached graduate men in their thirties for 88,000 single graduate women in the same age group.”
“Although there are similar numbers of single men and women in their thirties overall – about 370,000 of each across Australia – half these available men had only high school education, fifty-seven percent earned $42,000 or less and 95,000 of them were unemployed.”
Oz Conservative translates this:
“To put this another way, there are 370,000 single ladies and 160,000 men earning more than $42,000.”
I am not sure that Oz Conservative has the maths correct, but it illustrates the imbalance. If you are on a career path, you will almost certainly have to ‘marry down’, if you are to find a partner. If you are on big dollars and he is not, you have another hurdle to surmount. Even the expression ‘marry down’ is inappropriate. It suggests that we don’t have a class system with distinct classes with demarcations, but that we have a class system with a graduating scale. ‘Marry down’ suggests that you marry below your status. But what is this status? If it is defined in terms of job status, it is faulty before we go further. As a male, I don’t consider a girl to be of higher status because she is a nurse rather than a cook. Why then would women consider males to be of a status that causes them to use the expression ‘marry down’? Does a man ‘marry down’? I think a girl has a problem if she even thinks of using a term like ‘marry down’. Has she become so self important that she considers a male to be of a lower status? What dumb male is not going to sniff this status arrogance out within a couple of dates. What male would marry a girl that was ‘status conscious’. This diagram in German will help the understanding. Yet the diagram does not demonstrate the issue of the excess of female graduates so the small triangle at the top on the right is overpopulated and the triangle at the top left is underpopulated. One cannot marry up if there is no-one to marry up to.
How’s this for a shattering of dreams:
Kim Love on Twitter: “Black women marry DOWN the most. When we ‘make it’, we RESCUE black men. When black men succeed, they’re MORE likely to marry OUT.”
Some of these expressions make me cringe. ‘marry down’ – ‘make it’ – ‘rescue men’ – ‘marry out’. I wonder if it is the person that uses the term ‘marry down’ that has the problem. Imaging if a male said “Sorry. I can’t marry you because I would be ‘marrying down’!
However, for its educational value, some further comments by Kim Love:
Kim Love: “But in my mid 20s, through my budding professional network and mentors, I was exposed to the LIE about the ‘independent high earning woman’.”
She is going to tell us that the ‘high earning woman’ is invariably married.
Kim Love: “Particularly, college-educated white and Asian women. They were high earners and RARELY single doing anything ALL by themselves. Had HELP.”
She says they had ‘help’. From whom? She suggests help from a man.
Kim Love: “You can see for yourself. Google the Fortune 500 female CEOs. I don’t think even one of them is unmarried. High-earning women MARRY. And not just the Fortune 500 CEO women, other professionals & upper middle class. Education is correlated with HIGHER marriage rates for women. And that’s pretty much when I KNEW I was going to marry. Marriage, not just for practical companionship life & sexual partner, but economics. And for the record, Kevin wanted to marry for the same reasons. Washington DC metropolitan area is NO joke. Very expensive to do it ALONE.”
This_Here_Girl: “Just graduated from law school and I feel OBLIGATED to marry a Black man, regardless of his job and education.”
Marilyn: “We put ourselves last leading to all our health issues. Many BW marry down just to have a man any man they think.”
SirSeanathon: “When BW ‘make it’ most feel like they are superior to BM, that’s why you used the word RESCUE!”
Note the artist’s use of handcuffs and a ball and chain.
I’m well over purist arguments. My task is to create a partnership for you. Marrying down is not attractive to many women. I’m not surprised that these women are ‘not attractive’ to males. Marrying down to a ‘lesser man’ appears not fit their concept of success. Their ‘concept of success’ has given them a sense of elitism, which is a bit strange because real elitists live a life of idle luxury and would never ‘lower’ themselves to the distasteful task of doing a day’s work. Justin Parfitt, the owner of an Australian dating agency says:
“Many high-achieving women simply are not interested in Mr Average.”
Well – well – well! Surprise – surprise – surprise. Many ….. ‘average’ ….. males are simply not interested in Miss Snooty Nose.
This brings me to the next issue. The pressured work environment is prone to cause you anxiety. Part of this anxiety is created by your overriding desire for ‘success’. This anxiety may damage your ability to create and maintain a relationship. When you have anxiety, your rational thoughts will clash and override your DNA-created natural instincts and intuition. You have become well practiced at controlling all your actions and words in the workplace. You control your demeanour. You control your expressions. You control the content of your speech. You become ‘business-like’. On your date, you will control your reactions rather than using the intuition that was built into you. You will not pass the facial clues to the male as nature intended. Relationships are hard. They are not created by logical conversation, but by hidden visual cues. I have worked out that the smile is our primary means of communication. Words and logic are our secondary means of communication. The smile is our primary means of communication.
I also state that if there is no smile — there is no relationship:
Schools, universities, and offices teach persons to use words and logic in communication. You will only be capable of creating superficial relationships. What I notice through my intense practical study of this is that every encounter with another human, whether it be words, eye contact, touch, or even passing near to someone creates an ‘emotional event’ in you. I now look forward to detecting these events and monitoring their effect. If I can intensify these events within someone else, I enjoy the encounter more and get a greater ‘emotional event’ myself. I am finding that it is easy to suppress these ‘emotional events’ by being ordinary or expressionless. I can intensify them by being in the right mood and having a joyous nature. On meeting a female, I try to demonstrate a strength of character whilst also displaying a weakness to their womanly ways. So it is a mixed signal. Strength and weakness at the same time. The strength of character is like a window to one’s position in the dominance hierarchy. Some books say that there is a dominance hierarchy amongst males and that the woman can detect a male’s status in this dominance hierarchy which then means that she does not need to sit and watch him in his work and social environment to detect his status. I think that there are multiple dominance hierarchies. When I meet another male, I indicate with a nod that I respect him for his abilities and he respects me for my abilities. Mutual respect. Women appear to be able to detect a male’s status by instinct. I thus tell boys to go do something they enjoy or are good at before they go out on a Saturday night. Eighteen-year-old girls seem to be better at these things than twenty-eight-year-olds. It is instinctive, but they don’t recognise that they have the instinct. Eighteen-year-olds have the ability to put excitement in their eyes and exude excitement and enthusiasm and add fire to a male’s emotions that the twenty-eight-year-old is incapable of doing. It is more than attractiveness, it is an inner youthful enthusiasm and spontaneity that outclasses the males and older females. An eighteen year old receptionist can wind the Aging CEO up like no-one else in the building. Older females or persons can only outclass her on experience. No-one outclasses her on excitement and enthusiasm.
The Telegraph has an article titled:
“Alpha females: you’re chasing the wrong guy – look for a Beta man.”
It has the following sentences:
“There’s only one problem. The Alpha female struggles to find a perfect partner. With her reputation for ambition, determination, and success, she can be seen by men as intriguing but intimidating; attractive yet aloof.”
The Sydney Morning Herald says similar:
“Bright, accomplished women often complain that men are ‘intimidated’ by them.”
Some males would add a few other expletives. Dating a ‘difficult woman’ comes to mind. With the usual dose of illogic: She can’t find a mate but it is his fault. The underlying assumption is that it is a fault of the male. Never forget — males have free choice in who they date. They have the same rights as you. It does not take much reading on the internet to find the male comments on what the newspaper describes as a ‘successful accomplished woman’ but which a male might describe as a ‘difficult woman’:
- “She’s a power b*tch.”
- “Decision-making is all about her.”
- “Demands this and that.”
- “Whilst emotionless herself, she demands that he express emotions.”
- “Nothing he does pleases her.”
- “Blames him for everything.”
- “She has to have the last word on everything.”
- “Only her opinion matters. Male opinions are irrelevant.”
- “The bitch is all about anger.”
- “She’s got daddy issues.”
The Sydney Morning Herald writes:
“While men claimed to be attracted to very smart women, in actuality they shied away from those who seemed more intelligent than them.”
It is a male free choice to do so. Get this clear. This is not the man’s fault. She wants to date a specific subset that is not too keen on her subset of females. If he is a thirty-five-year-old business success, why would he chose a thirty-five-year-old business success when twenty-five-year-old girls are twinkling their eyes at him and are not playing silly status games with him.
The article plays the usual line of blaming the situation on males, but the last two words betray the situation: “yet aloof.” ‘Aloof’ is variously defined as: “not friendly or forthcoming; cool and distant.” This is not the man’s fault. The man, believe it or not, has the freedom to date whom he wishes. Thankfully, he has yet to lose that freedom. As if it was rocket science, she suggests that ‘Alpha’ females pair up with beta males. But why this term ‘Alpha’. Why describe her as ‘Alpha’? I do not go around thinking that I am ‘Alpha’. Why is the term used at all? Dr. Rhodes, of New York, writes:
“I kept seeing strong, confident women who were concerned that they had missed the boat, that marriage had eluded them because they had wasted their thirties developing their careers.”
Why did she use the word ‘wasted’? A comment describes the book as attempting to:
“dispel the myth that being a successful professional woman dooms your chances of a relationship and family.”
I ask the question: “Is it a myth?” I let you decide. I think she is trying to falsify reality. Other statements use the description: “Strong independent woman”. Note: woman not girl. More seriously, it uses the term independent. Is she looking for a “Strong independent man”. I think not. I suspect she is looking for a man she can have a relationship with in which case he needs to be dependent on her and she will be dependent on him in that the relationship is dependent on him and her. A “Strong independent woman”! Can you think of anything worse to get stuck in a lift with or sit next to on a long haul flight? I think she needs someone that is incredibly tolerant that can tolerate her intolerance.
Never forget that he was brought up by a mother who implied expectations and one of those was to be a provider. Don’t blame males for wanting to be providers. Mothers are female!
If the female has picked up and obsession with educational attainment and success, then why does she wish to find an equally educated man. How is that supposed to happen? She cant find a date but she wipes out most of the runners before she meets them for lack of education or attainment. Thus, she is a classist or an elitist. She has written off half of the male society, but males must not write her off on any standard of judgement. We are now swimming in illogic.
I’m sitting on the fence. I’m sixty-six and I am writing this book because numerous girls told me that they were having problems finding mates and boyfriends. Articles on this topic include statements such as: “intelligent women are more likely to be single.” It suggests that males dislike intelligent females. This is not the case. I love intelligence in a woman. It is the content of the intelligence that causes the problem. A few weeks ago, I was discussing the problem of pairing in the young. I did not back off when she started her rants. She had some pretty bizarre expectations of males that did not match the way she kept herself or deported herself. She finished up yelling at me:
“Well, you men are going to have to ‘man up’ or you are not going to get any sex.”
At that point, I gave a strange look, raised my hands to a quizzical position and politely walked away before she embarrassed herself further. Is it intelligent to state that men will get no sex? Men are getting more sex than ever with no strings attached. Girls are saying “Yes” to male advances rather than “No”. Girls are facing stiffer competition for men and, in this competitive environment, they have revved up the action by offering increased levels of sexual activity outside marriage. Girl’s bargaining power has dramatically declined. Men now have the power of ‘no’. “No — I do not wish to get married.” And he maybe sleeping with two or three other girls who have abandoned using the ‘power of no’ and have moved to a ‘submissive yes’ whilst showering him with all sorts of tantalizing extras. Females are saying “Yes” to strangers before marriage and “No” after marriage. Is it intelligent to state that males should ‘man up’? (Should women be required to ‘woman up’?) I don’t think women would like to be treated the way men treat men. A man hitting a man is men being ‘stupid’. A man hitting a woman is jail time. A woman hitting a man is the man’s fault. As a side issue, you may wish to search for internet videos under ‘girl hits man’. They are interesting to watch as the male does not even raise his hands to protect his head. He invariably stands there and allows the punches to land on the head. He generally slowly walks backward as the woman keeps thumping. He was trained by a woman called his mother never to hit a girl. The training is so effective that he does not even protect himself from her attacks. Nightclub security bouncers have the same issue. They cannot control uncontrollable girls.
What did the above girl mean by ‘man up’. If women want sex, they get it. Should men get sex when they want it? I think we shall leave women in charge of that department. Strangely, my ‘man up’ girl has talked to me a couple of times since in a very polite manner and even requested one of my smiley badges. When a person fails to listen to another’s point of view, that is bigotry, not intelligence. As males, we are suffering under a complex aura that suggests that:
- Every male is a potential wife basher.
- Every male is a potential rapist.
- Every male is a potential paedophile.
- Everything that went wrong in history was the fault of males.
I get over it, but it is not comfortable. At the motorcycle club, I was asked to be the photographer at a junior’s event. I put the photos up on the club website. I was told there were guidelines as to what could be shown. Nobody could explain the guidelines in an effective manner, so I culled five percent of the photos to end the matter. A child riding a motorcycle, how is that inappropriate? It has all gone mad. If males and females are equal, why was it the pictures of girls riding motorcycles that were culled? We are in the age of illogic.
Let’s get real. A male will choose a wife that prioritizes family over employment. If a female is more interested in status, success, and employment, why would a male choose her as a wife? Males still have free choice. If males do not choose work-obsessed females, then that is their choice. Avoid articles suggesting that males are feared of strong women. The concept of entering into a marriage contract is frightening enough to males. Why make it more so. As I say to girls: “How long does it take to go out with a man before he trusts you enough to ask you to marry him?” You will be very lucky if you get him to propose within two years. It may take five years. The current climate is not favourable to males. A blame game against males simply will not work.
Typical articles contain: “Basically, men want someone who isn’t ever going to let her career come before making dinner and pleasing them first.” This is blatantly wrong. Males want a girl that puts family before career. “They want a woman who is dumb enough to make them a priority…” Blatantly wrong. Males want a girl that makes family a priority before career. The act of a female looking after a male demonstrates that the care will be transferred to the child when it is born. I know. I watch it happen. When the baby arrives, the baby gets the most attention and the male starts to look after the woman. Before the baby, the girl makes breakfast in bed. After baby, the man makes breakfast in bed.
Here is another comment: “Women everywhere are dipping far below their standards just to find men who appreciate them.” This is class hate at its best. Besides the logic that around two-thirds of graduates are female creating an impossible situation, am I to assume that I should look down on a girl if she has a lower socio-economic status than me? I can tell you that no girl is above or below my standards. Girls that have not had their head damaged by education are often easier to talk to and have far better communication skills. They talk straight to the point. They give a clear message: “I am a woman. You are a male. I am not available to you, but I would love to chat.” She is generally very interested in the male view of things and how it differs from hers. A conversation with a university girl, or male for that matter, is full of: “Ah! But what if.” The conversation goes round in circles. It is entirely logical and avoids the eye contact and facial messages that are part of our human nature. Some will blatantly go against what you say. If a university person constantly says: “I don’t agree. Blah blah blah.”, how can a relationship start? Education affected my brain and I had to un-learn and learn communication through eyes, smiles, nods, and empathy. I had to reconnect with my instincts and intuition. My links to my instinct and intuition had been damaged by the excessive logic of education and the work environment. This is where the problem lies with girls that chase the career in the corporate environment. If you even think: “What about his status?”, whilst talking to a male, he will ‘sniff it out’ during the conversation. His subconscious will tell him: “Dangerous. Stay away.” Just as you, the female, should be capable of detecting his intentions through your subconscious, he can detect yours. Your subconscious should detect whether he wants you for a ‘one night stand’ or whether he is looking at you as marriage possibility. If you try to select a male because he will be supportive of your career, then you are pushing water uphill. Males do not marry for such reasons. Males adore females. It is a biological change that occurs in the teen years. He is biologically driven to choose a woman that will make a great mother. He is partly driven by a desire to spread his seed and partly driven by a desire to support a female that looks after offspring. He gets a mild enthusiasm for a girl with whom he can spread his seed and a massive enthusiasm for a girl that he wishes stay with to ensure safe passage for the offspring. He is driven by biology which encompasses DNA and the reptile brain. Selection theory suggests that organisms evolve one of two reproductive strategies that trade-off between quantity and quality of offspring, either quality is sacrificed for quantity or quantity is sacrificed for quality. Promiscuity works in the direction of quantity which is only held back by contraception. Marriage works in the direction of quality by producing well-adjusted offspring. It was the harnessing of the male energy in a marriage that created civilization. Men worked for nooky. Young males were indoctrinated by their mothers to work and care for females and to run society for the benefit of women.
If your verbal conversation with the man revolves around status and career and you give no hidden facial communication, you are out of the running. Your degree certificate is useless if you can no longer give appropriate flirting signals. He may hang around for a one-night-stand, but even that soon drops from his radar. You are the subject of this song by ‘Foreigner’.
“Cold As Ice”
You’re as cold as ice
You’re willing to sacrifice our love
You never take advice
Someday you’ll pay the price, I know
I’ve seen it before
It happens all the time
You’re closing the door
You leave the world behind
You’re digging for gold
Yet throwing away
A fortune in feelings
But someday you’ll pay
You’re as cold as ice
You’re willing to sacrifice our love
You want Paradise
But someday you’ll pay the price
I’ve seen it before
It happens all the time
You’re closing the door
You leave the world behind
You’re digging for gold
Yet throwing away
A fortune in feelings
But someday you’ll pay
Cold as ice, you know that you are
Cold, (cold) as, (as) ice,
As cold as ice to me
(Cold, cold, cold) (as, as, as) (ice) …..
You’re as cold as ice = You use logic rather than emotion. You analyze rather than empathize. Your every sentence contains the word ‘I’. You are interested in what benefits you rather than what benefits the couple. etc.
You’re willing to sacrifice our love. = You put career before relationship and family. You reject a devoted male to further your career.
You’re digging for gold. = You are a gold digger. You are more interested in bank accounts than babies.
You never take advice. = You don’t listen to common-sense. Your opinion is the only one that matters.
But someday you’ll pay the price. = You will get to sixty-four and realize that you got it all wrong.
Unfortunately, girls at school are fed the notion that they should build a career for independence, but marriage is about a joint commitment. The concept of independence does not fit with marriage. They are fed the notion that a man will come later. Unfortunately, other women made use of their youth and snatched up the males, and the career girl gets the ones left on the shelf after she backs off from her studies and careerism. This may have worked for the career girl twenty-years ago but it is significantly more problematic these days. Males have wizened up to the situation. They have learned from the previous generation of males that got the daylights bashed out of them by the family court system. They do not accept what they see as the bigoted, illogical, and hateful messages of feminism, just as society woke up to communism. Titles such as this are appearing: ‘America is waking up to the farce that is feminism.’ as found in the Washington Examiner.
You have to choose:
Boyfriend or Career.
You make the choice. If you have a devoted boyfriend, he will probably be the last devoted boyfriend that you will ever have. My common warning:
“As a girl, the easiest thing for you will be passing exams and getting jobs.
The most difficult thing in your life will be finding a male that trusts you enough to marry you.”
It is easier to find a devoted male in your teens and low twenties that in your thirties. When you reach thirty, how long will it take you to find a male, then how long will it take for you to go out with him before he trusts you enough to ask you to marry him? It is likely that he will never ask.
Do not forget the curves in this graph. After twenty-one, you start to fade. Unfortunately, that is biology. You can rant at the males but you cannot argue with biology. The males will walk away when you rant, but biology won’t even comment:
According to the Pew Research Center, the most educated women are the most likely never to have had a child. But in a notable exception to the overall rising trend, in 2008, twenty-four percent of women in the age range forty to forty-four with a master’s, doctoral or professional degree had not had children, a fall from thirty-one percent in 1994. By race and ethnic group, white women are most likely not to have borne a child.  Ah yes! Clever tactic! Kill the best Christians.
In the words of Bold and Determined:
“No woman wants to work but it takes some of them a long time to figure that out. They waste all their youth playing/working their career and then realize what a huge mistake they made and leave their jobs to take care of their (quite possibly retarded — that’s what happens when old ladies have babies) child.”
Blog Quotes About Success Leading to Depression
Monicakes: “I’ve been dealing with depression for the past couple years, but during those couple of years I was about to achieve certain things I thought I couldn’t and one of it was school. It wasn’t easy especially after finishing High School and going right into College. It was a huge adjustment and I fell ill to depression. It got the best of me. I did take time off from school and all I did during that time was feel sorry for myself and spend my time just doing nothing. …
Just take it day by day. Some days better than others, don’t let it fog your vision. Just tell yourself tomorrow is a new day. So if you had a bad day today, tomorrow is a new day.” 
Fizzixs: “I’ve got a really good job, a graduate degree and I think the respect of my work colleagues. Somehow they don’t know my debilitating depressive episodes. I’m coming out of it but the last year or so has been really bad. Weirdly, I think I got lucky because I use work as my distraction, my personal life is in shambles (divorce)… …
I’m addicted to working I think.” 
EternalJanus: “This past month has been a challenge for me work wise. I have a messed up sleep schedule, I get into the office late, leave early, and my projects are gathering dust. I do the bare minimum to keep people pacified. I think my boss is starting to notice and is getting annoyed. Our company isn’t doing too well either. If I don’t shape up soon I may be first on the chopping block and yet I can’t seem to get myself to care. Work is my distraction, it might be disastrous if I lose it.” 
SoulProxy (male): “I would also like to know that… Hitting thirties soon, earning the lowest pay of all my friends. It’s becoming increasingly hard to find an educated girl who is intelligent and doesn’t earn more than I do… The stress is always there… I’m functioning barely by the guilt and shame that I am not as successful in life as they do…” 
Litaddict (female): “I almost didn’t get through my undergrad because my depression was so debilitating.” 
Anonymous: “Mental illness is the most prevalent disability for uni students.”
Here is a nice little quote to finish off the chapter. It was the mother that was the smart one:
“When he was my age, my father was putting my six-year-old sister and eight-year-old me through prep school, and had another three-year-old daughter at home. He had been running a business for ten years, owned a house and had a pension.”
What a smart mother. She got a man enticed. Got him to marry her. Pushed him to produce. Made him a proud father. Later in her article, the daughter states:
“We went to university and were told there was nothing in the world we couldn’t do. …”
“For years, I was too busy working and having fun to even think about it — and now, even at thirty-four, I have no idea if I want to be a mother. No maternal urges have kicked in yet and, besides, there is not exactly a line of suitors waiting at my door. …”
“The obvious truth is that fertility plummets in your thirties and I am worried that I will wake up one day and regret that I missed the boat on babies altogether. …”
“there are many more who have, almost without me noticing, found ways to buy the house and start a family. …”
“In fact, I’m starting to think that there is a very real danger that, before long, I’ll be the last guest at the party, dancing alone, long after the music stops. And I don’t want that.”
Data from The Office for National Statistics at the end of last year show that more than half of women under fifty have never been married!
Just as I thought I had finished the chapter, I had another thought. Where did the idea of encouraging the females to join the workforce come from?
During the first world war, women were encouraged into the workforce in many countries.
The Bolshevik Revolution in Russia in October 1917 created a significant change for the future lives of women in Russia. The Bolsheviks were not native Russians and were not Christian. They took control by force and implemented dramatic changes. It was, thus, a ‘coup’, not a ‘popular’ revolution. In 1918 laws were created that weakened marriage and the family with the aim of strengthening the nation at the expense of the strength of the family. The right to perform marriages was taken from the church and given to the state. This poster is exhorting the people to reject the Christian ways and look to the power of the state.
Bolshevik Anti-Christian poster in a country under Jewish occupation.
The modern version is:
or a Jewish person or a Buddhist?
Abortion became available. This set of laws gave the right for either the man or woman to request a divorce. Promiscuity, which had been shameful, was being promoted by Alexandra Kollontaj. A sexual revolution occurred. Although it claimed to give freedom to females, it gave freedom to men and women suffered. However, contraception did not exist. If women are freed from the strict rules of religion, is it men taking advantage of women or women taking advantage of men? I still cannot work that one out. The liberation of marriage, abortion, and divorce and the concept of comradery, equality, and equality led to a dramatic rise in promiscuous sex. The war and the relaxation of morals led Russian men to a belief that casual sex was a rite of passage. Women could no longer find males to support them and so women went out to work.
Kollontai encouraged relaxed views on free love and casual sex. These are communist oxymorons. Love requires commitment and thus does not fit with free. Sex has the potential to create babies and so is never a ‘casual undertaking’. These items were not one and the same thing. Sex always requires a responsibility to the other sexual partner and a potential shared obligation to any children of a relationship. My common advice:
The new Communist system would supposedly liberate women by providing economic equality and a collective approach to child-raising. Economic equality meant that they became factory work slaves. They all became equal in poverty.
Lenin was reportedly not in favour of the new trend that “in communist society the satisfaction of sexual desires will be as simple and unimportant as drinking a glass of water”. Lenin is reported as saying that this “new sexual life is an extension of bourgeois brothels” and has nothing in common with free love. “What normal man would want to lie down in the gutter and drink out of a puddle, or out of a glass with a rim greasy from many lips?” The authenticity of this is uncertain.
V.I. Lenin 1919: “The building of socialism will begin only when we have achieved the complete equality of women.” 
This, of course, did not bring women up to the level of men. It brought women down to the level of men. Women can also grovel in the ditches with mud up to their knees in the freezing cold. Women can also fornicate like men. Instead of sleeping with one caring male, she can give herself to many lustful males. This benefited males not women.
If you want a glimpse of what was planned for the USA, have a look at some of the Communist goals for America. In January 1963, Congressman Albert S. Herlong Junior of Florida read a list of forty-five Communist goals into the Congressional Record. Here are a few of them:
- 40. Discredit the family as an institution. Encourage promiscuity and easy divorce.
- 41. Emphasize the need to raise children away from the negative influence of parents. Attribute prejudices, mental blocks and retarding of children to suppressive influence of parents.
- 42. Create the impression that violence and insurrection are legitimate aspects of the American tradition; that students and special interest groups should rise up and make a ‘united force’ to solve economic, political or social problems.
- 15. Capture one or both of the political parties in the U.S.
- 17. Get control of the schools. Use them as transmission belts for Socialism and current Communist propaganda. Soften the curriculum. Get control of teachers associations. Put the party line in textbooks.
- 18. Gain control of all student newspapers.
- 19. Use student riots to foment public protests against programs or organizations that are under Communist attack.
- 20. Infiltrate the press. Get control of book review assignments, editorial writing, policy-making positions.
- 21. Gain control of key positions in radio, TV and motion pictures.
- 24. Eliminate all laws governing obscenity by calling them ‘censorship’ and a violation of free speech and free press.
- 25. Break down cultural standards of morality by promoting pornography and obscenity in books, magazines, motion pictures, radio and TV.
- 26. Present homosexuality, degeneracy and promiscuity as ‘normal, natural and healthy’.
- 27. Infiltrate the churches and replace revealed religion with ‘social’ religion. Discredit the Bible and emphasize the need for intellectual maturity, which does not need a ‘religious crutch’.
- 37. Infiltrate and gain control of big business.
- 38. Transfer some of the powers of arrest from the police to social agencies. Treat all behavioral problems as psychiatric disorders which no one but psychiatrists can understand or treat.
- 39. Dominate the psychiatric profession and use mental health laws as a means of gaining coercive control over those who oppose communist goals.
I’ll let you puzzle how many of the goals have already been achieved by ‘Communism-lite’, reborn as ‘Feminism’, ‘Political Correctness’, and ‘Social Justice’.
By design, schools restrict the freedoms of individuals and encourage conformity and obedience. Dr. Peter Gray writes:
“The primary educational concern of leaders in government and industry was not to make people literate, but to gain control over what people read, what they thought, and how they behaved. Secular leaders in education promoted the idea that if the state controlled the schools, and if children were required by law to attend those schools, then the state could shape each new generation of citizens into ideal patriots and workers.” 
My opinion is that, before the industrial revolution, the farming peasants tended to be somewhat illiterate. Industrialists required literate employees for their factories that worked quietly and diligently. The industrialists moved the expense of doing so to the public purse. The industrialists got the government to run public schools to turn citizens into suitable placid employees for their factories at public expense.
Blog Comments on The Value of College Education
Mach: “I took their advice all the time and its gotten me a college degree which is useless because I can’t find a job here in D.C. I also got a huge amount of debt. If I had listened to my instincts I would have been a concert drummer with the skills I have. I definitely would not have wasted my time in college. A nine to five is a waste of life.”
Roosh: “Trust me when I say you’ll be much happier making $20,000 a year controlling your destiny than four times as much being controlled by someone else.”
Girl: “I randomly break down and cry because of stress.”
“The typical response for most women, when asked why they work, is that they have to.”
And by the way, house prices doubled. As women were encouraged into the corporate workforce, the effective value of labour halved. The effect was that the cost of living rose in comparison to wages. As one granny said: “Back then, the men earned more.” I cannot find statistics to prove the point but the anecdotal evidence is convincing enough. Two incomes are needed to pay for a house that could previously be purchased with one income.
I usually explain it in a different way. Land was created by god or nature for all living things to share. Man came along and drew lines on it. Banks created money out of thin air and lent it. In a competitive environment, property prices rise to the maximum persons can pay. The tend to rise to absorbed the bulk of people’s incomes. It is biblical usury, condemned by Moses, Jesus, and Mohamed. When women got goaded into the workforce, house prices doubled and the only winners were the moneylenders. Land only has value where there is employment (and government services). The intrinsic value in land is not in the land itself but in the local employment environment and facilities. The usury of land creates the progressive impoverishment of the people and the nation. The employment of women was terrific for the bottom line of banks. The banks create the money they lend by simply writing numbers in books. The trick is that you never actually see the money.
One of the strangest things I have found in my study of success is the strange activities of girls under success training. To finance their journey to success they sell the use of their bodies at an hourly rate. So, in my lifetime girls. Your next doctor may have been a hooker. The lawyer that is an expert on the sex industry may have worked in the sex industry. The engineer may have been dancing around a pole leaving little to the imagination. I find it ironic that girls were ‘freed’ from this:
And, of their own free will, chose to become sex workers. As one campus claims: “We prepare each student for success in life.” Yet this is the result. Someone’s daughter is reduced to a paid object for sexual amusement as she whacks her boobies about numerous male foreheads at a couple of bucks a whack.
Eighty years ago, women had a cartel that I call the ‘Woman’s Cartel on Sex’. The girl effectively said:
“If you want sex with me, you have to marry me. And when we get married, I decide when it occurs. And, for the rest of your life, you have to give me your wage packet each week.”
Sex work for students has become so common in colleges that a university hosted a stand at its freshers’ fair that gave advice on sex work to its new undergraduates. The Sex Work Outreach Project set up a stall at the freshers’ week fair at University of Brighton. The leftist nature of feminism brings no complaint. The leaflets from this organisation which calls itself an ‘advocacy’ and advice service ‘representing student sex workers’ discuss the legal side of sex work, offer advice on safety during sex work activity, and provide other significant help information for those that might choose this earning path. This Sex Workers’ Outreach Project (Swop) Sussex tweeted last week:
“1 in 6 students does sex work or thinks about turning to sex work. We can help.”
Success opportunities for girls: ‘Pass exams and fuck men for living expenses.’ Sex work has been ‘normalised’ in colleges because society has pushed students into poverty. A nation cannot be efficient without trained people. A nation makes a profit from trained persons. It is unreasonable that these trainees people start their adult life as worse than poor — they start as impoverished debtors. I might go as far as suggesting that it is inadequate funding and impoverishment is the main driver of sex work in colleges. It is not the whole story, but girls have said variously that started due to credit card debt or to get ahead or to get a ‘good’ start in life. Some have said they love the nudity. Some say they love the work. Some believe it to be a ‘lifestyle choice’. Some girls offer sex to their landlord in payment of rent. They get into sex exchange for money because they have no money to pay bills. This is the classic old age story of usury where people are pushed into debt.
Think twice about sending your daughter to university. Maybe they don’t take up prostitution, but they might get into what is called sorority. Look it up! ‘Sorority‘.
 thewest.com.au/news/wa/women-fuel-stress-leave-claims-as-costs-surge-ng-b88619285z Retrieved 2017-10-09
 APS Australian Psychology Society. “Stress and wellbeing in Australia survey 2014” www.psychology.org.au/Assets/Files/2014-APS-NPW-Survey-WEB-reduced.pdf retrieved 2017-10-09
 American coaching expert Marcia Reynolds is the author of ‘Wander Woman: How High Achieving Women Find Contentment and Direction’ and writes an emotional health column for The Huffington Post. According to Reynolds, in their adult years, many women embark on a mid-life quest for identity.
 “The Emerging Identity of Women. There is both a light and a dark side to this emerging identity of women.” by Marcia Reynolds www.notjustthekitchen.com/the-emerging-identity-of-women/ Retrieved 2017-10-09
 “The African Philosophy of Ubuntu in South African Education.” Available from: www.researchgate.net/publication/274374017_The_African_Philosophy_of_Ubuntu_in_South_African_Education retrieved 2017-10-10.
 www.Reddit.com/r/depression/comments/3rffwk/how_can_you_be_successful_when_depressed/ retrieved 2017-10-10
 “Why The Super-Successful Get Depressed” Alice G. Walton, Forbes. retrieved 2017-10-24
 Whitaker R. “Psychiatric drugs and the astonishing rise of mental illness in America. Ethical Human Psychology and Psychiatry.” 2005;7:23 to 35. freedom-center.org/pdf/anatomy_of_epidemic_whitaker_psych_drugs.pdf. retrieved 2017-10-21
 Horwitz AV, Wakefield JC. “The Loss of Sadness.” New York, Oxford University Press, 2007. retrieved 2017-10-
 Mojtabai R, Olfson M. “National trends in psychotherapy by office-based psychiatrists.” Arch Gen Psychiatry. 2008;65:962-970
 NBC News www.nbcnews.com/business/careers/lady-boss-blues-top-women-more-prone-depression-study-finds-n252176 retrieved 2017-10-23
 Paula Davis-Laack J.D., M.A.P.P. Paula Davis-Laack J.D., M.A.P.P. Women and Happiness: Is It Still Declining? www.psychologytoday.com/blog/pressure-proof/201303/women-happiness-is-it-still-declining retrieved 2017-10-24
 Deborah Serani, psychologist and author of the award-winning book “Living with Depression.” retrieved 2017-10-
 www.pewsocialtrends.org/2010/06/25/childlessness-up-among-all-women-down-among-women-with-advanced-degrees/ retrieved 2017-10-26
 www.forums.red/p/TheRedPill/369/women_aren_t_women_anymore_so_men_aren_t_marrying_them retrieved 2017-10-21
 Nancy C., Epsom, NH dominatedepression.com/antidepressant-free-success-story
 Todd Essig, Forbes contributor and psychologist in New York City.
 V.I. Lenin, The Task of the Working Women’s Movement in the Soviet Republic, 1919.
 Dr. Peter Gray, research professor of psychology at Boston College.